Recently I have been dealing with some interesting internal conversations. The kind of conversations I never used to have. They all have something to do with myself as a mother and they are all NEGATIVE. I have always wanted to be a mom. I have vowed to be a good mom and there are things I knew I wanted to do AS a mom. I felt it was important for me to be home with my kids. Not everyone is able to do that or wants to, but for me, I felt it was important. I also knew I wanted to homeschool my kids. We love learning together and we have a great time. My kids are learning and thriving and so am I.
But these conversations have been going something like this: "Why am I even staying home with my kids it's not even making a difference in their lives" and "I am not able to be the person I really want to be." or "I am not contributing to society." and "I should just go get a job since financially we are tight and I can't provide for my kids like I want to." and "I should just send them to school since I am probably not doing a good job anyway." I have been listening to these thoughts for awhile and sadly I have been believing them. And what has been the result of listening to all of this? I have been very unhappy as a mom and as a person. So I needed to take this matter to the Lord. Why am I losing my convictions as a mother? What is wrong with me? Am I following what is right for us and for my kids? The answers have come a little at a time.
First, the conversations are not the truth and they come not from me but from Satan. He wants me to devalue myself and my important roles as wife and mother. Understanding this has been huge. Second, what I am doing is not unimportant. It is not trivial. I am not JUST a mom. And I have needed some reminders about this. One of those reminders have been in reading the book I Am a Mother by Jane Clayson Johnson. It is a wonderful book that reminds me what is important. Reminding me that mothers don't just cook and clean and wipe messy faces. They are bringing souls to Christ.
One of the things that people say, that the world says and that even those I know have said is that motherhood and even marriage mean that you lose your "identity". Nothing can be further from the truth. Selfishness leads to a loss of identity. Because only through the service of others will we truly find ourselves. As Luke 9:24 says: "For whosoever will save
his life shall
lose it: but whosoever will
lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it." When we serve others we are serving God. I am so grateful to be a mom. I am SO far from being perfect and I make so many mistakes and resolve every day to be better. But I love serving my kids. One day I will wake up to a clean house and a quiet car ride and I know I will miss it.
Flying Willis! Don't you just love those chubby fat legs? I just want to munch on them all the time.
The love of a daddy for his little boy is so precious I can hardly capture it.
So beautiful. His sweet face makes me think of this Mindy Gledhill song. I think of this song a lot when I look at my kids.
He is really loved in our home.
He's one cool dude and his sisters make sure of that!
Emily lost her two front teeth. She is very cute and big. She is so awesome and helps everyone in the family so much. I am so lucky to have such a good friend as my daughter.
What a sweet smile. How can she pull off beautiful so effortlessly?
I am one blessed Mom to be given such amazing kids and loving husband. We sure don't have much, but we really do have it all.
