Friday, January 25, 2008

Lindsey Brooke is a Year Old!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LINDSEY!! Emily and I made a sign for her and we played with her on her special day. I got her a few toys and some clothes and made her an apple cake with pink lemon frosting. I am terrible sometimes. I will forget to take video, but will take a ton of pictures and other times I remember the video, but forget the pictures. My computer is a piece of trash- which we hope to replace sometimes this year- and so I can't show any video at this point. Hopefully someday I will be able to. Anyway, so the fact that I forgot to take pictures of her EATING the cake, I got it when it was half eaten. I got pictures of her before her celebrations, but not during. Oh, well. She had a lot of fun. She was confused about the cake thing and didn't seem to like it that much. Course maybe if it had been chocolate it would have been another story. I really thought about making chocolate, but got stuck on the idea of pink girly frosting.

And now for some looking back and remembering the past two years.

In 2006 I got sick for about a year and we were worried we wouldn't be blessed with the joy of having one more child. We prayed, we went to the temple, I even tentatively looked at adoption. I was really wondering if Emily would be my only child and if I would ever be well again. Deep down though, both Robert and I expressed to each other the feeling that someday we would have another baby. I also had three very strong dreams where I had another little girl. The first one was very interesting as I had a natural labor and I woke up feeling very much like that is what I wanted to do. The other one was that I saw my baby who wasn't Emily and Emily was walking around being the big sister. The last dream was very touching. I looked at my 9 year old girl, 6 year old girl and a 2 year old boy in the stroller and felt the most amazing joy and thought to myself "I now have everything I have always wanted."

Well, after trying for some time we were finally blessed to be pregnant with Lindsey. And a miracle also was that the pregnancy took care of a lot of my other problems. I was also so grateful to have such a wonderful pregnancy. If all of my pregnancies are like hers I would be such a happy mommy. Of course there was morning sickness, but once that was over it was really good. I wasn't terribly uncomfortable and I am sure part of it also was being so grateful to be able to be healthy again and have this baby.

We had a scare though at one point because I started feeling Lindsey and had felt her for weeks and suddenly for 5 days I felt nothing. I panicked and we headed to the hospital to make sure everything was okay. Once we were reassured that she was fine, Robert was the most scared I have ever seen him at first and the most grateful.

When we went for the ultra-sound and saw that it was a little girl, I just knew. There she was, beautiful and perfect. We had zero names for her. We don't tend to like the same girl names- or let me say, I come up with a list of about 10 and Robert comes with a list of zip, so I guess that could be why we don't agree. I want him to like the name too so we compromise.

Her birth was an amazing experience! I love Emily SO much and loved her from the moment she was here, but I can't say that so much about her birth experience. Something about natural childbirth just made me feel so much more connected to birth. I didn't feel that with Emily. It seems with Emily's birth, everything was forced, pushed, rushed, cold, numb, sterile, etc. I didn't feel like I did anything special. I know I did, but it just wasn't the same. When I was pregnant with Emily I was of the mindset that you take meds for labor. I mean, who wouldn't? Why would anyone want to choose that pain? But I talked to friends and family who felt differently, I talked to my cousin who has her children at home, I talked to my sister-in-law Lori who tried it, I read amazing books like Birthing From Within that spoke of birth in a way that I knew I didn't feel with my first birth. It couldn't be all that bad if so many other women chose to do it this way. The more I read and studied, the more I felt I just had to experience it. The way it was described as a "right of passage". I just can't even describe all of the things that lead me to want to try it. I am just glad that I did.

At 2:00 a.m. on January the 23 my water broke while I was lying in bed dealing with mild contractions. I felt a slight pop and thought "Is that the pop they describe when your water breaks or did my hip pop?" I went to get up and get a glass of water and felt just what they say its like when your water breaks. I told Robert who was dead asleep. He slightly wakes up and says "So what do we do??" Ummm... head to the hospital sweety, get dressed. I call my midwife who says that I can labor for awhile at home and come in when its bad- but suddenly I am kneeling on the floor and its bad because I can't talk to her anymore. So she says, "Maybe you should come in now." My brother came to stay with Emily until Robert's mom could come. I took my sweet time getting ready between contractions, until I just couldn't take it. My brother is trying to shove us out the door, afraid I will have the baby on the floor if I don't go. It was SO cold outside and I stopped in between contractions to "dance" with Robert. In the car, I try to do the relaxation Bradley method, but I hate it and decide it is much more helpful to be vocal. Boy am I glad I decided that early on!

As we get to the hospital- one we have never birthed in and did not take a tour of- we realize we have no idea where to park. Its an old and confusing hospital. Robert pulls to the side of the road, runs in and asks where to put his car. I am in the car not wanting to be left alone, but what do you do? So past the smoker outside the door- thanks, that is really great when you are transition. Into the double doors where I stop and can't move. Now into the ER waiting room where they say "She can have a wheelchair." No one gets it for me, I am leaning against the wall staring at the wheelchair by me, thinking it is meant for someone else. Oh, someone sits me in it. Its for me.

Up to the maternity ward. 6 cm dilated and 100% effaced. No I don't want an epidural. Into the bathtub. Thank you a ton to my midwife who ignored the "rule" of not going in the bath tub with your water broken. The water is SO nice! Finally though my midwife is sure it is time to get out- dang I REALLY love the water, can't I push her out here? No, sorry. Looks like I will be finding a birth center for the next one. ;) Once out they tell me I am an 8. I have one contraction that pushes me to 10 and one small push and then one GIANT push she came out like a cannon ball. I screamed SO hard. Didn't expect that to be THAT painful. Contractions hurt, but the pain can be managed. I didn't know that a giant cannon ball would feel like my insides were being ripped out and burned. But yet, WOW, what an awesome experience! There she was, no crying, just sweetness. So we got to the hospital at 2:30 a.m. and had her at 4:04 a.m. Yes, that was intense and quick.

She was such a cutey! When it came time to name her, the only one that came to mind was Lindsey, which is a family name. And Brooke after my little sister. This year of having her in our home has been so sweet, blessed and I am so happy to have this little baby. Its amazing that when they have a birthday they immediately prove that they are becoming smarter by the minute. I handed her a comb today and though she has held it before, she has never taken the comb and tried to comb her own baby hair. How did she know to do that? Or to say "Na-na" for banana when I put it on her tray? Or say Emmy for her sister? I am so grateful to have Lindsey as my sweet daughter. I love her so much, its hard to really express it.

1 comment:

The Gunnell Bunch said...

Yea for birthdays! Happy Birthday Lindsey!! She is so cute. I feel so let down though, I was anxiously awaiting a messy, disaster, first cake face picture. Wahhhh. She is such a sweet, miracle Pinsy. :)